Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Consumed by hatred

I hate with such passion. I hate will such intensity. I hate with the core of my being. I hate that you are alive. I hate you so much, I want you to die.

I don't know those feelings. I have no idea how it feels to hate so much. I don't understand where those feelings come from, how they grab ahold or how they fester and infiltrate every cell of a person.

Every time I see/hear/read messages of hate, I ponder these thoughts. I never reach a conclusion. How can I even begin to relate, when I've never felt it myself? There is such a vast and insurmountable gap between "almost hate" and hate. And then, in addition to that, to hate so much that you want someone to die, or hate so much that you go out of your way to kill, I feel completely at loss, I fundamentally don't understand, my brain does not compute.

In my life, I've always valued compassion and empathy. To me, it's one of the greatest experiences of being human, our capacity to relate and to connect with one another. But in this case, I might make an exception. I don't want to be able to empathize. I don't ever want to know this kind of hatred. I never want to find myself wishing for death and destruction. I much rather continue on in life wishing for hope and change.