It's been about a month since I talked to you. I've been thinking about you a lot. Actually, not a day goes by without you entering my mind. Not that I wanted to talk behind your back, but I have, I've talked about you everyday the past month. I guess I've been trying to find an outlet for everything I think and feel. But I think you might be the one I should be talking to. So, here is goes, here is what I want you to know.
About a month ago, I held your hand and stroked your hair, as we were only hours away from the inevitable. I'm not sure if you knew who was holding your hand or stroking your hair, but if you did, I feel I should apologies. It must have been very awkward for you. I never held your hand and I never stroked your hair, not even once, during the nine years we were in each others lives. Not until your last day, when I almost seemed unable to let go.
An hour before you passed, I walked by your bed and stroked your arm, as I was heading to the restroom. Out of all the people who loved you and cherished you, I wouldn't blame you if you were disappointed, that I was one of the last people to see you. I do feel guilty about it. But I don't feel guilty because I didn't care enough, I feel guilty because I know you never knew how much I cared.
It breaks my heart to see the family so distraught, but I know it's an expression of how much they love and how much they miss you. I'm doing my very best to help and to comfort them, but I wish I could do more.
One last thing, thank you for everything that you gave and thank you for the memories you created.
I'll talk to you soon.